20 Nov 2012

The shock of breastfeeding

People, I have news for you: 1% of UK women breastfeed for the minimum recommended six months. Considering that breastmilk is the optimal food for new babies, and most women want to give their babies the best start they can, this statistic should be shocking. But it isn't.

Here's why. When midwives tell women they should breastfeed, they fail to tell them that it is bloody hard work. When women go to breastfeeding classes, the teacher fails to tell them that it is bloody hard work. They harp on about the health benefits, the satisfaction, the close bond. And then, babies don't feed much immediately after birth, and midwives are on hand to latch the baby on and offer reassurance.

It's when the new mother gets home that the problem starts.
Picture the scene. A woman has her first baby. All is joy and light.Three days later, the new mother is crying because her boobs are huge and full and painful, her nipples cane, the baby won't sleep, she doesn't know if the baby's latching right, the baby's always hungry, she has mastitis, she doesn't want the baby anymore, she just wants to sleep. The midwife comes in, says everything's fine and the mother feels better. Then two hours later, it starts again. The father may suggest she puts the baby on a bottle 'so he can help', other relatives chime in with handy hints like 'well, he SHOULD only be feeding four hourly' or 'Maybe you're not making enough milk' or 'All mine were bottle fed and nothing bad happened'.
The mother is undermined, hormonal, unhappy and weak. Why the HELL would anyone want to continue the torture of initiating breastfeeding against all that? The establishing of breastfeeding takes around 4 to 6 weeks to complete, yet most midwives handover care around day 10. Health visitors are far less frequent visitors, and far less hands on. It is a lucky woman indeed who gets a good midwifery team and a good health visiting team.

The reason that so many women give up breastfeeding, often at considerable emotional cost to their postnatal recovery, is simple. There is insufficient support available, and education is unrealistically optimistic, presumably to try not to put off women who want to breastfeed. But what is the point in painting breastfeeding in a glowing light if women are just going to become demoralised, and give up within weeks?

A woman who has just had a baby needs positive encouragement. Nobody should suggest to a mother who wants to breastfeed that she is doing it wrong. Midwives need to be allowed to offer proper postnatal support. Alas, this is not usually available due to budgetary constraints. Fathers and family need to be supportive of the decision to breastfeed, rather than sulk because they 'can't help', as if feeding a baby is the only available way to interact with a newborn, or offer help to it's mother. It is usually the mother who ends up doing all the bottle feeding, however good the intentions are to begin with.

And here's the thing. IF a woman can get through the difficult first six weeks, with cluster feeding and disturbed nights, and the constant refrain of "my baby slept through the night from TWO DAYS on formula", "my baby fed four hourly from birth", "you should put him/her on a bottle", "Oooh, that's a bit weird", breastfeeding is practical, simple, hygienic and (once you've got the hang of it) EASY. A breastfed baby is incredibly easy to comfort, to settle to sleep, to keep quiet at awkward moments. There are well documented health benefits, to both mother and child. It is also deeply rewarding on an emotional level.

There is nothing wrong with choosing to formula feed from the start. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding if breastfeeding fails. But this isn't about the choice of feeding methods. It's about the lack of support given to women who WANT to breastfeed.

I have now been breastfeeding for 40 months. I had a three month gap between weaning the eldest and giving birth to the youngest. Neither of them have every had a drop of formula, which was my decision, and one I have stood by despite endless, well-meant advice about how my children SHOULD be fed, and how 'strange' it is to be feeding a toddler. With my eldest, the breastfeeding relationship was the only thing that stopped me completely losing it with postnatal depression (it was the only thing I felt I could do for him), and was a struggle. With my youngest, it came naturally and easily because I'd learnt the hard way how to do it.

I have written before about how a lack of support was damaging following my first birth, and I stand by that. If I had given up breastfeeding (as I was often tempted) when he was tiny, I would have felt a complete failure. Emotional and practical support is such a simple thing to need, and yet such a struggle to receive.

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